Mammogram #2

Most women under the age of 40 have never had a mammogram. Are they fun? Ummm NO. Are they painful? Not really. The anticipation is far worse than the actual mammogram.

I am not sure why when you go in, they turn the lights down. Maybe they are trying to make you "think" you are in a tranquil spa and about to get a massage?

I prayed hard before, during and after that first mammogram on March 14th. But the biopsy on March 27th confirmed cancer. This is my first mammogram/ultrasound since the original one in March. This one was used to see the response of my tumor (HATE that word). We did chemotherapy first-before surgery. My oncologist (who happens to remind me of my Ken doll from when I was kid) wanted chemo first to see if my tumor responds to the meds. His comment, "How do we know if the chemotherapy works, if we take the cancer out? This way we watch it work!"

The hope is that my tumor (still hate that word) has shrunk to nothing. And that in the fall (October-ish) I will be able to have my lumpectomy followed by weeks of radiation once healed. And while I have SEEN the official pictures (I even have a picture cd;)), I will wait for the surgeon to tell me the official word. She will also give me the game plan.

Cancer sucks!!! But I do know without a shadow of a doubt, that my GOD is bigger than my breast cancer!

~My Boys~

I have two children, boys ages 13 and 4. When I told my 13 year old about my breast cancer, he cried for a few hours. The only people he'd ever heard of with cancer were older adults. And most of them had other health issues along with cancer. And really we didn't "know" them. We just knew of them.

Jacob often realizes when I'm tired and have reached my activity limit. Sometimes he even plays with his little brother while I rest. And he does try to help....When being 13 doesn't get in the way. :)

My 4 year old has no idea that Mommy is "sick". He just knows that mommy has a booboo (my port scar). To him, I am still supermom and can do all things--just a little slower than before. With his 4 yo understanding, I didn't lose my hair-I just got a haircut. And as my hair comes back in, he loves to feel it. Gabe thinks it feels like the kitty cat at poppies house. And his favorite thing---I now lay with him more and watch his favorite shows.

This is my favorite picture of Gabe and I. I love how his little hands are rubbing my face and his head is on my head. In his eyes, I am not sick. I am just Mommy...............

~~Chemo Brain~~

I use to could remember every detail of every useless conversation or fact about anything. That No longer holds true. I now suffer from "Chemo Brain". And yes, its a real thing.

Example.....After my 4 yo had swim lessons, we made a trip to Publix for a few things. We then stopped by the local burger joint for take-out lunch. When we got home, I get Gabe out of the carseat, get the burgers inside put the milk in our garage frig (doesn't everyone have an extra frig in the garage?). Made the 13 yo help with the few bags I had and went inside to eat. 10 minutes later, out to the garage I went.....Driver door wide open and the refrigerator door also open--and the garage was at least 95. That is just today's example.

I can be in the middle of a conversation, and I can forget what I am talking about. I can open the cabinet 5 times and finally on the SIXTH try, I remember what I was after. And my favorite....I forget to listen when people are answering my questions.

I forget what things are called or I call them the completely WRONG thing. I now call my children multiple names---I only have 2 kids, three if you count my husband. ;)

Chemo Brain should go away once they quit pumping me full of poison. I hope so. Not what was I talking about?????

NO SHAVE CHEMO

The absolute best thing (and probably the only good thing) about chemo is NO SHAVING!!! In the last 3 months, I have maybe shaved my legs twice. And that was at the beginning before all my hair fell out. And then during my 3 week break between my different meds. And my arm pits.....can't even remember when. NO HAIR period!! When we go to swim, no need in shaving my bikini area. SO, I have NO razor burn.

Granted, my hair is almost completely gone. My eyebrows and eyelashes are thinning and making a slow exit. I've always had white peach fuzz hair on my arms. Yet, that still remains.

My razor and shave gel are just sitting there on the side of the tub waiting for the day I can shave again. If I had to find a "blessing in disguise" it would definitely be---NO SHAVING!!!!