Classification...Survivor? Fighter?

~sur·vi·vor~
/sərˈvīvər/
noun
a person who survives, especially a person remaining alive after an event in which others have died.

I often wonder where I am on the cancer classification ladder. I really don't feel like I hold the status of survivor---yet.

At Wal-Mart a few days past, I was thankful to have less than 20 items so that I could go through the tobacco purchasing line. Not sure about your Wal-Mart, but ours can have 23 people waiting in one line and they still refuse to open another register. ANYWAY...As I stood there in my baseball hat, unloading my cart, the cashier smiled and asked, "If you don't mind me asking, are you a cancer survivor?" My response, "Yes...Well working on it."
She told me how she would be sending prayers up for me and I thanked her. Then, I had to hear the story. The story of her so & so who died of cancer a few years ago.

I'm not going to lie, Cancer sucks! It not only robs you of your right here, right now life. It also takes it from your kids, husband and family. Our summer has became renamed as the Summer of Chemo. Our life right now revolves around my treatments and doctor appts. I still have 10 weeks of chemo left. That means that afterLabor Day, I should be DONE. Not completely done, but done with part one. Then comes Fall.....The Fall of surgery, recovery and radiation.

I realize everyday that this is just a journey. A journey to get to the state status of survivor. Not going to lie.....Wish I wasn't chosen for this journey.

To Wig or Not to Wig?

Losing your hair is probably the hardest part of chemotherapy. From the outside, I looked fine and healthy. UNTIL, I lost my hair. Then I actually looked sick. First off, I am not a vain person. Most days you will find me no makeup, yoga pants (and lets be honest...I don't do yoga) and hair in a ponytail. I did have long, thick hair before cancer. Not because I love long hair. Mainly because I have no patience for sitting in a chair having my hair "did". Oh, I use to love it and it felt so good to be pampered. THEN, I became pregnant with our second child and my patience flew out the window. I did have my hair trimmed over the years--But no real cut.


I was lucky enough to find a great (and reasonably priced) wig boutique. My wigdresser (totally made up word) was fabulous and her mother had also been through breast cancer. I purchased a wig that actually looked natural on me. But it was hard to imagine me in the wig, since I still had my hair.

It took @20 days from my first treatment to start losing my hair. It was coming out in clumps. It was cut short to hopefully make it through my oldest sons 13th birthday party. (there was LOTS of hairspray used to keep it in place) Two days later, I realized we had to shave it off and I would need to start wearing my wig, baseball caps or a scarf.

At first, I wore my wig when I left the house....except in the car rider line, then I just wore my baseball caps. I was still having trouble tying a scarf on my head. Then I decide if people wore pajamas to Wal-Mart, I could just wear my baseball cap, with no hair, to Wal-Mart. Today the decision on wearing my wig depends on where I am going. I do not wear my wig to my oncologists office (almost everyone is bald there), but I do for other drs appt. Wal-Mart and Kroger only get to see me in a baseball cap. BUT Publix and Target are "fancier" places so they get the wig. Its to the point that if I have my wig on, my 4 year old will ask, "we go to target?"


My oldest son bowls in a kids bowling league. I have not been to bowling since I started treatments. Today, we needed to go for practice. Then the question arose....To wig or not to wig? Yes, I would see people there that I knew. Some would know about my breast cancer, others would not. After much debate with my 13 year old, the decision was made...NO WIG. So now the bowling center will be classified as a baseball cap wearing place.

~~Pink Stinks~~

When I was a little girl, pink was my favorite color. I wanted pink EVERYTHING!!! Even my Barbies loved pink. My Daddy use to tell me, "Pink Stinks!" Of course I would cry and throw an ever lovin' pink fit. He would laugh. I had such pink dedication! Yes, over the years my favorite color has changed. Now nearing 40, my favorite color is whatever makes me look skinny! But still I have special pink things. On March 28th, 2014 I was told I had Breast Cancer. I was given a pink tote bag that day at my surgeon's office. This pink bag would carry all my information, my cancer brochures, my pathology report and everything breast cancer related.

This pink bag would "out" me to everyone I passed in the parking lot that day. It would scream, "Tasha Adkins--39--wife of Greg, Mother of Jacob & Gabe has BREAST CANCER!!!" Right then I realized it was true--- PINK STINKS!!!!